G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Review

Finally G. I. Joe : The Rise of Cobra hits theaters and people get to hear what normal people like me think of the movie, or just say screw you guys I'm going to go see this anyway you people are all stupid! Well, here are some comforting words (kinda) to those of you who feel they must see it in the theater no matter how many times they are warned. 

Alright well, I can't say this movie is terrible, because there is only one reason why it's not terrible. The early reviews were accurate, except they made the movie sound like a friggin' masterpiece, which it is not; not by any stretch of the imagination. 

Now as far as being a movie worth seeing in the theater, it definitely is. It is worth seeing in the theater because it is full of so many elements except for the action and effects, that don't hold up on a small screen. The only way you can watch this movie and enjoy it is to see it on the big screen. The effects are realistic when they need to be, and they look just amazing. The chase through Paris in the movie with the accelerator suits was probably the most fun I've had watching an action scene. 

It is a fun movie to watch. Each action scene does something new, and it shows off the G. I. Joe characters very well, especially Snake Eyes (played by Ray Park), who is a complete bad ass, just begs to be the main character in the movie instead of Duke (played by Channing Tatum). Dukes character is interesting but the movie makes him two-dimensional, and the emotionless acting job by Channing Tatum doesn't help. I actually preferred following the story of Ripcord (Marlon Wayans), who had by far the most fun character and was not annoying, he was actually really funny and played it pretty cool. 

But the acting was well below average, the writing was laughable; very comic-bookish, the characters were flat, and the flashbacks seemed a little worthless. 

Speaking of flashbacks, the ones about Snake Eyes disappointed me SO INCREDIBLY much, and here's why. Before I went to the movie (with my brother who grew up loving the G. I. Joe comics), I read a couple of the comics that incidentally were about the back-story of Snake Eyes: why he doesn't talk, why his mortal enemy is Storm Shadow, and why he is such an amazing fighter. While reading these comics I completely geeked out and Snake Eyes immediately became the most interesting character to me. I won't tell you his real story, but if you ever get the urge to find out, read issues 26 and 27 of the comic book before or after you see the movie. it is probably the best back story ever, and the film reduced it to two little kids punching and kicking each other. (It's now kind of a sore spot with me, and I've never even read G. I. Joe before now.) They also tried to make Duke better than him at one point in the movie, I mean come on, nobody is better than Snake Eyes lets face it.

Overall, you can't expect a true G. I. Joe movie from Stephen Sommers, but you can expect a cool action movie. They screwed up the story and the characters, and I know I'm sounding nit-picky, but if they followed the true story and gone out on a limb and make Snake Eyes the incredible, mystical, haunted character that he is, and focused on him and then made him bad ass, the movie would have been ten times better. The director just didn't want to take that chance, and ultimately he made a very forgettable movie for me. A nice movie to see in the theater, but one you never should have to see again. 2 out of 5 stars for this is pretty accurate for this.  

Funny People: movie review

There has been a lot of apprehension regarding the latest Judd Apatow comedy, Funny People. The word of mouth is that it is not very good/funny. To all those morons who want a mindless comedy with jokes every other line, wake up. This isn't one of those movies. This has an actual story to tell, and it's not always a funny one. 

Adam Sandler plays George Simmons, a comedian who has all the money in the world basically. People love him, he's been in tons of movies, he's a stand up comedian, he gets any woman he wants; he's the man. Except he's not. In person, he is a selfish asshole. And thats the point. It shows that funny people are not that funny at all, until they are on stage. Simmons is suffering from a rare blood disease; a form of leukemia, and his doctor tells him there is nothing they can do. So now he has to face death, and also his entire life before now, and in doing so he realizes he did it all wrong. He calls up his old girlfriend, the one he's never stopped loving, but who left him because he cheated on her. He hires Ira Wright (Seth Rogen) to write his jokes for him in an attempt to gain a friend. He does all of these things that make you think he has changed, and then the doctor tells him he no longer has the disease, and everything goes haywire. In this second half of the film, you realize he hasn't really changed at all, he is still the same guy.

It is a sad movie, but what I liked about it was that it was completely set in real life, and these characters are real people. Adam Sandler showed every emotion there is in this movie, and was very believable as a real person. The supporting actors in the film: Leslie Mann, Eric Bana, Jonah Hill, and Jason Schwartzman, are all perfectly cast and are at their funniest. I found myself laughing my head off and somehow thinking about death and regret all in the same movie. Only a really good movie can make the audience experience so many different things in one sitting, and this film does exactly that. 

This is a long movie, and could have easily been 10 or 15 minutes shorter. That being said, I still cared about the characters enough so that it went by fast for me. This is definitely a 5 out of 5 for me, I loved the heck out of this movie. 

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - early reviews

I was surprised today when I went online and found that there was an incredible amount of good reviews about this movie that is coming out this friday. Apparently, as you can listen to in this podcast on spill.com, the producers of the movie have only been allowing a select few critics watch this movie early. It could be argued that they are doing this in order to get ALL positive reviews before it comes out to get the maximum amount of attendance. 

I personally think that is exactly the reason they are doing this. Ever since the previews came out for this movie I have been skeptical, and lately downright certain that it is going to just completely nose dive. If the studio is truly afraid of what the average critic will say about this movie, I wouldn't be surprised. Their is so much politics in film reviews now it's crazy; reviews are what people, at least people like me, look at when they are determining whether they will see a film or not. Good reviews = boatloads of money. To me it seems like a sketchy thing to do, but anyways, here is a small quote from one of the early reviews of the film. 

To go to the website that has more of the review, click here , but be wary of this movie. I'll write a review of it soon if you want to really know if it's worth it.

Here are a couple sections of the review:

The casting worked 100% including Joseph Gordon Levitt and Sienna Miller who, based on early feedback, were the characters fans were most worried about. Ray Park as Snake Eyes was my favorite part of the movie. I swear I am going to get an Arashikage tattoo on my arm, he is so awesome. Some of the our readers chimed in early on regarding Marlon Wayans as Ripcord. Yes, I too cringed when that announcement was made. But guess what? He was great, his humor wasn’t over the top as it usually is plus he has one of the best lines of the film involving the famous G.I. Joe kung fu grip!

GI Joe rarely pauses for anything so gauche as character development or real plot development. Hell – it barely pauses, period! From the film’s oddly historical prologue, the screen is either filled with brooding, scenery chewing, flashbacks or the kind of epic action set pieces normally reserved the ending of a James Bond film. In fact, that’s easily the best way to describe the film – imagine the climax of just about every Bond adventure, and then edit them all together into one hyperkinetic sequence. The action shifts from dense forests, to subterranean facilities, to the streets of France, to underwater bases, to high-altitude jet fights and a number of places in-between. The major sequences are both intense and sufficiently humorous, laden with eye-rolling, though faintly charming, one-liners and a speaker-shattering, non-stop barrage of explosions, chases, shoot-outs and sword fights. The action is well paced and the effects – much like the cinematography itself – blend the tangibly real and the colorfully cartoonish in a way that captures the spirit of G.I. Joe.

Well that may be, but is it really a G.I. Joe Movie? I'm guessing no.